Sometimes in relationships the very thing we so deeply long for is the very thing we desperately fear. We want to have a relationship in which we are assured that our partner has our back. Consciously or not we may find ourselves wondering, “Can I count on you to be there for me?” “Will you come when I call?” and “Are you within reach?” . Because these questions lay at the very heart of feeling connected to our spouse/partner, we may seek to protect ourselves from the possibility that the answer is no, or that we are not sure how they will respond to our needs. This fear of being detacted from the one we deeply love can lead to becoming emotionally distant in order to protect ourselves from being hurt. This “Protecting ourselves” comes in the form of arguments of lesser importance in order to avoid the deeper issue of mistrust.
Emotionally Focused Therapy guides couples to discover the emotions that deepen the bond between them and to find words and actions that lead to a deep sense of trust towards each other and to respond to each other’s fears with empathy and compassion.